News from Around the World

In some parts of the country, this is good news:

Brace yourselves for a shocking confession: I know next to nothing about sports. Furthermore, I care next to nothing about sports. The total time my television has been tuned to a sporting event is roughly the equivalent of the time George W. Bush spends reading The Washington Post on any given day. In my lifetime, I have attended exactly three professional baseball games (each time having been coerced into attending by friends), no football games, no soccer games, no hockey games, no basketball games, and no any other type of sporting event you can mention. Are you starting to get the picture that sports plays absolutely no part in my life?